We see things as we are, not as they are image

We see things as we are, not as they are

Inspiration/Source: Book Awareness by Anthony de Mello, lived experience

It was 2am. My five-year-old had peed in his bed. The fourth time in two weeks.

We also have a baby who doesn't sleep. So the math was: strip the sheets, calm my kid, get him back down, then wait for the baby. Tomorrow morning, run a load of wash before work. My wife and I are running on fumes.

I was about to burst.

Then I paused. Not on purpose. He was crying and I had to slow down to comfort him, and in that slowing down something shifted. My wife works at a children's cancer foundation. She comes home with stories about parents whose kids are actually sick, parents who would trade anything for our problem. Ours isn't sick. He's five. He'll grow out of this. The night wakings are a chance to be the person he reaches for when he's scared, not an injustice done to my sleep.

Same night. Same wet sheets. Different perspective. Different night.

I didn't change anything outside me. I changed the lens I was looking through.

This is the thing De Mello keeps coming back to in Awareness: we don't experience life as it is, we experience it through a lens. On good days the street looks brighter. On bad days the same street looks like it's closing in. The world doesn't move. We do.

When I notice my lens is cloudy, here's what works for me:

  • Name the state out loud. "Anxious." "Foggy." "Flat." Naming it puts a little distance between me and it.
  • Breathe. In through the nose for 4, out for 6. Two or three rounds.
  • Move. Step outside, change rooms. If it's really stuck, I go for a run.

Then I look again. Most times, the scene has changed because I have, not because the environment did.

The same applies at work. The decisions you make at 4pm on a bad day get treated by your team as strategy. The feedback you give when you're depleted gets remembered as truth. If you don't catch your own lens, you ship it.

The move is the same one I used at 2am. Notice the state. Reset. Then decide.

I didn't change what happened. I changed the lens.